So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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