my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
