Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
