He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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