he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
