My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
