You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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