This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
