she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
