he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
