apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
