i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the high leading the old right now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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