And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
