Whatcha textin bout Willis?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize