Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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