she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
