you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
