If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
