actually, I'm a sock model
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
