chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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