Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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