Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
