i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize