I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
