it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
