I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
