My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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