I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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