i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How external is "for external use only"?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
