Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
