I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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