he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
