I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
