how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
