worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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