Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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