I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
