So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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