I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
