i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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