gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
