just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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