Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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