You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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