um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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