According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
