I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
