who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
