I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
