i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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