so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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