he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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