i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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