yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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