I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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