Dual....:-)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
