My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize