I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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