Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
