I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
