Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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