smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
