i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
