he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
