girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
