my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
