I wish i was in the wii world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
