Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
