My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize