Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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