if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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